Ignorance

The Webster’s dictionary definition of ignorance is to lack knowledge. I would agree but would add the qualifier “true”, as in true knowledge. You may associate ignorance with poorly educated people, perhaps people that have lacked some of the opportunities that many of us have enjoyed.

People from all walks of life can be ignorant. If one habitually misinterprets how things work, what I refer to God’s economy, they are an ignorant person. Over time, that person will end up paying a tremendous price.

To my shame is the fact that I spent many years living, and worse, making decisions as an ignorant person. This stage of my life went on for two decades. This ignorance and the foolish decisions that resulted were done with an absolute clean conscience.

I hurt others – my children, and especially myself. I feel overwhelmed at times as I continue to live with the consequences and fallout of those two decades of my life.

What is so strange, is that as I entered my forties everything began to change. I began to experience some clarity which increased with every year that passed. I often tell others that estrogen made me stupid. I know that sounds irreverent but I can’t ignore the correlation between my childbearing years and the intellectual fog that I existed in.

As this clarity increased (what some may call “waking up and smelling the coffee”), I felt terrified at times. How could I have been so wrong, and felt so sure about so many things?

Little by little I matured and began to slowly grow in wisdom. I believe it is a choice to move past who we once were. At 56, I am a different person than I was at 26, 36, or even 46.

I hate all the physical aspects of getting older, however, I do enjoy how it feels on the inside. The hardest part, for me, has been the forgiving of my younger self.

This is a verse that helps me to know who is on my side on this journey:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Thank you, Lord!

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